How OM works it wellness magic

Orgasm is not the same as climax

The practice creates orgasm (not the same as climax, though climax may sometimes occur). That orgasm in turn releases endorphins, oxytocin and a host of other hormones, neurotransmitters and neuromodulators in both the stroker’s and the strokee’s brain.

The hippocampus is in charge

The hippocampus is an organ in the brain which serves as a central clearing house for memories – including learning memories. The “happy” chemicals released via orgasm act in the hippocampus in several ways. The three most important to be aware of here are:

  • They adjust the “signal to noise” ratio, allowing razor sharp attention and focus.
  • They greatly accelerate consolidation of learning memories. This means that whatever neural circuits are in use at the time or shortly before the flood of happy chemicals arrive get reinforced. If, for example, you have just learned a new way of perceiving the world and that learning is followed up by an orgasmic experience, that learning is locked in much more strongly than would otherwise.
  • Oxytocin in particular seems to be an agonist to cortisol. Depressed individuals lose neural receptors in the hippocampus; oxytocin counteracts these effects and restores normal functioning.

Consequences of OM

When people OM, all of these mechanisms work to create powerful changes. During an OM, each partner is focusing exquisite attention on the other (indeed, this ability is multiplied by the release of oxytocin into the hippocampus); each partner is “in the moment” – i.e. not being intellectual in their head but experiencing their whole selves as deeply as possible; each partner is “tuned in” to the other, actually sharing the other’s experience.

All of these abilities are reinforced and enhanced with each OM.

Desire, pleasure, abundance promote powerful growth

Deep change based on desire, pleasure and abundance is far more powerful than surface change

what desire, pleasure, abundance does in the brain

Measuring what actually happens in the brain

A friend asked me today if I could use hypnosis to, for example, help someone lose weight. I smiled, because anxiety, quit smoking and weight loss are the bread and butter of most hypnosis clinics. Yes, I said – but the way I approach the challenge is very different from the way most hypnotists do. What their clients ask for is not deep change. What I do is access desire, pleasure, abundance.

The conventional approach is to tackle the problem head on.

  • Gather a lot of information on the situations where the client eats too much.
  • Discover foods that they crave.
  • Discover the secondary gains they get by remaining over-weight.
  • Educate them on how to eat healthy, etc.
  • Un-loved, un-safe, un-worthy

Deep emotional levels

My approach is almost the opposite. I work at very deep emotional levels. The reason that someone over-eats or smokes or drinks too much or whatever-their-problem-is is that they are missing something deep down. Most of my clients, when we explore at a deep level, report feeling un-loved, un-safe and/or un-worthy. In other words, their belief system is based on fear, suffering and scarcity. My goal is to shift them to a belief system focused on desire, pleasure, abundance. This requires deep change, not surface change.

Negativity Clearing

What I do is first work with them on general “negativity clearing”. (I’ll discuss this further in a separate blog). All of this happens at an unconscious level. What this means is that their conscious mind does not need to re-process all of the negativity, all of the trauma. I consider this really important. Many mental health practitioners have a very strong belief that their clients MUST re-live trauma in order to get past it. I consider this cruel and un-necessary punishment – and my belief is strengthened by know that it is not at all necessary.

The negativity clearing deals with most of the fear, scarcity and suffering. This is a deep change all by itself but it isn’t enough to transition to desire, pleasure and abundance.

Add reference resources

Next, we identify what it is that’s missing. I create hypnotic reference experiences as resources for the client. Then they recognise that they already have all the resources they need to give themselves whatever it was that they thought they lacked. Most of the time, they simply forgot they had it available. The important thing here is not just taking them through the experiences but locking those experiences in in a way that makes them readily available when they are not in trance.

Pleasure makes the speed difference

Normally, I work to lock these resources in with pleasure states – the stronger, the better. The process of learning consolidation is greatly accelerated by providing the hippocampus with lots of endorphins and oxytocin. This is how we lock in the deep change. There are many academic studies that support the notion that stimulation of the hippocampus consolidates learning. See Rat learning with cocaine as an example. There are unfortunate side effects with cocaine and heroin. I administer totally safe, organic, endogenous neurotransmitters to allow my clients to accomplish the same thing. What this means in practice is that my clients can achieve more powerful results in fewer sessions than if we failed to use pleasure.

Wow! It works!

When negativity clearing and locking in specific resources are combined, the results are spectacular. Here’s a quote from a recent client about what changes she’s noticed:

“(The first is) helping me to be able to actually say what I want. The second being helping me to stand up for myself. I have never been good at either of those things, and they are both so important!”

What happens is that, once the client has those inner needs taken care of, there is no further need of the unhealthy behaviour. Sometimes we have to remind them that their unhealthy habits are no longer necessary – but most of the time, they simply disappear. Occasionally, the client actually forgets that they ever had a problem. (Important note to hypnotists: collect your fees before this happens!)

The side-effects are actually more important than the original requested change

I much prefer to work deep change, at the identity level. In my world view, the surface symptoms are just that: surface phenomena. My strongly held belief is that if I resolve the surface symptoms without dealing with the deep needs, something else, some other unhealthy behaviour, will arise to take the place of the original symptoms. A great concept if my intent were to have a regular client for life – but I’m not comfortable with that.

A pleasant side-effect of shifting clients to desire, pleasure and abundance is that most find themselves far better off after the sessions than they ever dreamed possible. THAT is my reward.

What Orgasmic Meditation does for us

Orgasmic Meditation


I often describe Orgasmic Meditation as a partnered wellness and sexuality practice.

It is a practice designed to foster holding space, focusing attention, building connection and living life as it happens. Mechanically, the practice involves stroking a woman’s genitals for 15 minutes. The actual mechanics are well described elsewhere. While it’s a simple practice, it creates remarkable, positive changes in those who practice regularly. I’ll spend some words on each of these themes below and then talk about both the wellness and the sexuality aspects of the practice.

Holding space is a somewhat vague and often over-used expression. Within the context of OM, it means creating an environment where both parties feel safe letting go, being vulnerable and accessing their involuntary. It means keeping the practice consistent and being careful to keep all of the emotional baggage that can be associated with sex and / or relationships out of the practice.

Over time, continuing to practice OM gradually transforms practitioners so they increase the clarity of their communication – so they are able to create contexts anywhere within which they and others feel safe enough to be vulnerable, safe enough to be themselves.

Focusing attention is the cornerstone of OM. Attention itself is a fascinating subject. Once we humans feel safe, attention seems to be the number one concern. Yet it is poorly taught – where do you learn how to give good attention? How to gracefully receive attention? How to gracefully ask for attention? How to negotiation how much attention you want and how much you’re willing to give? What does giving attention really even mean?

The practice of OM trains us to focus all of our attention on a single tiny point of contact for 15 minutes. How can things get simpler than that? Yet this practice transforms people – over time they begin to focus more attention on what’s going on inside themselves and what’s going on in the people around them. This translates to better and more meaningful interactions with others.

Connection is the next theme. It’s another one of those fuzzy words that get way over-used. Everyone knows exactly what I mean until they try to explain what it is. I respect the difficulty in nailing this concept down with words. I think of it generally as “that which draws and holds people together”. I often visualize it as a tangible, almost physical force. More important, I’ve come to believe that we humans have been wired to be drawn powerfully to connection with others and that sex (and consequent reproduction of the species) is actually a side-effect of connection.

All of us have a limbic system in our brains and it is this component that takes charge of responding to the emotional states of others. Attention is a powerful driving force in creating attention. One of the fascinating aspects of connection for me is that, as it grows, I can actually experience sensations and emotions of someone else; I can sometimes experience their thoughts as well!

The important thing about OM is that as we continue the practice, our ability to use our limbic system effectively and connect deeply with others keeps on improving. With practice, it is possible to achieve levels of connection that are beyond even the day-dreams of most of the people on this planet.

Along with safety (holding space), attention and connection comes living life as it happens. Living in the moment. In today’s society and culture, cerebral skills are much valued. Life is fast paced and we have to stay alert. Life is complex and we have to keep analyzing and understanding things. Yet how often have you felt that you spend too much time in your head? I know I feel it often.

We spend so much time in our heads over-analyzing, over-thinking things that we are left with no time to actually experience the connection, the attention, the vulnerability that makes life worth living. Orgasmic Meditation is a practice that gently trains us on HOW to shift our attention from thinking and analyzing to experiencing our own sensations as they happen.

I can provide an analytical model of how and why OM changes people – but that, again, is content for another blog. And it would require me to leave the experience of the moment and analyze things. Suffice it to say that our neuro-chemistry automatically incorporates all of these themes and likes them so much that it generalizes them out into the rest of our lives.